this really has no relevence to my life right now. thought of the idea some time ago. not sure what else to say really... i think i like Haikus. tell me if you think its any good.
Good job. It's not common to read a Haiku that is about something other than nature, as that what that structuring was initially created to be used for. I'm glad you stepped outside of the box. I enjoyed it.
Thank you for shareing.
--
A boys will, is the winds will, and the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts. - Longfellow
Very nice, bud. It's brief, and simple, but speaks worlds of feeling. I agree with the previous comment that it's cool you stepped away from using haiku form strictly for nature. It's a great piece, as I said, evoking much sentiment.
Wow, short but great. Way better than the haiku's they make us read in english class. You wouldn't want to write my poetry for me for that class would you? I'm more of a less structured poet.
--
"It must be a Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays..." -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
I love that you have such talent for haikus. It's not something that's very common these days. Haikus are refreshing to read.
The only thing that kind of intrigued me was the change of tenses - you went from saying "my life fades away" (present tense) to "I felt nothing" (past tense). This is generally a no-no in writing, but with poetry it can be done if there's a reason for it...
Anyway, enough babbling. This is a good poem. Keep it up.
im glad you liked it, as for the change of tense, its like they were wondering about what had already happened. making the past tense work, in my mind at least. of course i am not as skilled as you
--
The soul: "when it breathes through [man's] intellect, it is genius; when it breathes through his will, it is virtue; when it flows through his affection, it is love."
Indeed... this is wonderfully refreshing. Its nice to read something that is straight to the point and not drawn out in a long angst filled mess. I love the way you write and this is one of my favorites.
-- ☼ Jenn Lee Copyright & Etiquette Admin deviantART, Inc.
♫ "I'm sorry 'bout the attitude I need to give when I'm with you, but no one else would take this shit from me."
"not as skilled" as me??? psshh. You're definitely as skilled as me, if not more so. No comparing going on here. Anyway, I think I understand what you meant with the change of tenses. Great job.
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Comments
Good job. It's not common to read a Haiku that is about something other than nature, as that what that structuring was initially created to be used for. I'm glad you stepped outside of the box. I enjoyed it.
Thank you for shareing.
--
A boys will, is the winds will, and the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts. - Longfellow
--
Just Greg, thanks.
--
~Caboose: I don't want to be dead, I want to be alive! ... or a cowboy!~
--
Life.
( Some Assembly Required )
--
"It must be a Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays..." -Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
The only thing that kind of intrigued me was the change of tenses - you went from saying "my life fades away" (present tense) to "I felt nothing" (past tense). This is generally a no-no in writing, but with poetry it can be done if there's a reason for it...
Anyway, enough babbling. This is a good poem. Keep it up.
--
The soul: "when it breathes through [man's] intellect, it is genius; when it breathes through his will, it is virtue; when it flows through his affection, it is love."
--
☼ Jenn Lee
Copyright & Etiquette Admin
deviantART, Inc.
♫ "I'm sorry 'bout the attitude I need to give when I'm with you, but no one else would take this shit from me."
♥ Torn Comics
~Michelle~
--
Nobody becomes an artist unless they have to.
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